Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A little rambling thought

I want to preface this by saying I love love love love love my babies. I love them both a whole lot. I have to say that this second one is just growing up way too fast and its blowing my mind. Having Isaac as our first child was such a completely different experience. I had the chance to appreciate every little thing with him. My brother joked with me once that I clap for Isaac even when he poops, but you get the idea.

But with Lucy (who is *gasp* already 5 months) its like every day I look at her and she is doing something new. And its all so easy for her. She is already scooching herself back on the carpet and spinning in circles. She basically does baby pushups all day and smiles and laughs about it. :)

So it makes me think, wow, how hard things must be for Isaac. I never felt that way before about Isaac you know, but now that I have a constant comparison, its like I feel sorry for him? Does that make any sense? I know Isaac is doing so great and the happiest little guy on the planet, so its not like I have any reason to feel that way for him, but seriously this little pudgy girl is going to pass him up in no time. I feel bad he has to work so hard for everything, when Lucy doesn't have to.

I know that will always be the way it is and I need to deal with that. I had a PTSD like episode right after Lucy's birth where all that surrounded Isaac's birth came back in a bad bad way. I was terrified that it was all going to happen again and seeing what is "normal" put me in a tail spin. Isaac was my normal, and it took Lucy to show me how different he actually was. I'm in a much much better place now. But sometimes when Lucy does something awesome, its as if at first I don't get excited, but I'm like wow, I didn't even have to work with you on that, you just did it. Its not the same celebration, its more like oh, that's how its supposed to be. Now I don't want you to go around thinking that I'm not excited as all get out about ol Lucy Lu because I am - she is total sunshine and I constantly kiss the pudge's face, it will probably fall off soon from over-kissing - I just celebrate her milestones much much differently I guess.

Anyways, as if there really is such a thing as "normal" :)


Sarah said...

THANK YOU for posting this. I've wondered how it will be when we have baby #2 and everyone says it'll be so different because they will just do things on their own without so much help.

I think about Isaac and Lillian and think they really don't know anything different. It's not as horrible for them as we think it is because they are just used to taking things slowly. Of course they are troopers for coming so far with the help of therapy. They are both happy kids and even though they are not the quickest developmentally, life is good.

Andrew,Sally,Megan,Daniel and Lucy said...

I understand how you feel even though Lucy was not my first but because Lucy was my fourth I knew exactly how behind she was and how this wasnt (normal) and maybe if she had been my first I would have enjoyed those early days a little more with no expectations of what she was and wasnt supposed to be doing.

I think your little Lucy will help Isaac as well as him helping her how to grow up with patience and understanding.

By the way Isaac has the most beautiful eyes ,and those eyeleshes!!